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Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Weeweechu!

One beautiful December evening Pedro and his girlfriend Rosita were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Pedro said:

"Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu!"

"Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.

"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time.." Pedro begged.

"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon!" replied Rosita.

"Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me..."

Rosita looked at Pedro and said: "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....

"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas,
Weeweechu a Merry Christmas,
Weeweechu a Merry Christmas,
and a Happy New Year."

:))))))


(with many thanks to an-lu, our amazing mermaid!)

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

All-Times Classic!


IS THERE A SANTA CLAUS?
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As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help form that renowned scientific journal, Spy Magazine, (January, 1990), I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Clause:

1) No known species of reindeer can fly.

But, there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not entirely rule out flying reindeer, which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion Children (persons under the age of 18) in the world.

BUT since Santa doesn't appear to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total or 378 million according the Population Reference Bureau, 1990. At an average rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes that there's at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west, which seems logical.

This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of his sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute gifts under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh, and move on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 91,8 million stops are evenly distributed, (which we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations will accept anyway), we are now talking about 0,78 miles per household, a total trip of 75,5 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us do at least once in 31 hours after consuming countless snacks.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3.000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth (besides Santa's sleigh), is the Ulysses space probe. It moves along at a poky 27,4 miles per second. A conventional reindeer can run, TOPS, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element.

Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 lbs) the sleigh is carrying 321.300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably describes as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds.

Even granting that "flying reindeer"" (see point #1) could pull ten times the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight or even nine reindeer. We need 214.200 reindeer. This increases the payload – not even counting the sleigh – to 353.430 tons.

Again for comparison, this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5) 353,000 tons, traveling at 650 miles per second, creates
enormous air resistance.

This will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14,3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. PER SECOND. EACH.

In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, creating a deafening sonic boom in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,000,06 times greater than gravity. A 250 lb Santa, (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4.315.015 lbs of force.

The conclusion:

If Santa ever DID deliver presents to all the good little boys and girls on Christmas Eve, He's dead now.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good-night!

Monday, December 24, 2007

A Couple of More Jokes....


A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth.

He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?".

Johnny raised his hand and said: "He's in heaven." Mary was called on and answered: "He's in my heart."

Robert, waving his hand furiously, blurted out: "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response.

The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Robert how he knew this.

And Robert said: "Well... every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells: 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!" :)))))))))




Why the Little Angel is at the top of the Christmas Tree?
----------------------------------------------------------

On Christmas Eve Santa Claus was getting ready for his annual trip.

As he pulled his favorite pair of red pants on, they ripped. So, he had to take them off and put on another pair, which was a bit too tight.

He then went to check on the rest of the preparations. The elves were on strike. The reindeer had shin-splints. At this point, Santa was BUMMED.

He went into the kitchen to take a calming drink, and the bottle was EMPTY. Now he was really mad.

All of sudden, there was a knock at the door. Santa, in his angry state, ignored it.

There was another knock. Santa was in no mood for all of this.

When the knock came again, Santa -filled with rage- threw open the door.

Standing there was a little angel who said: "Hi Santa! What do you want me to do with this Christmas Tree?" :))))))))))

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Q & As



- Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time?

- Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.

--------------------------------------

- Why doesn't Santa have any children ?

- Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.

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- Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?

- You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

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- How are a Christmas tree and a priest alike ?

- They both have ornamental balls.

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- Why do reindeer have red noses?

- They are not equipped with ABS and thus tend to bump into things on slippery surfaces. This is why Santa is often seen with a red nose (the sleigh doesn't have an airbag, either).

--------------------------------------

- What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies ?

- Snowballs.

:)))))))))))

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Santa's Top-10


The Top 10 Things on Santa's To-Do List:


10. Virgin or not, with 2 kids, many addictions and the brain of a lollipop, time to move Britney to the "Naughty" list.

9. Cancel wrapping paper order -- use those Greek "Xrimatistirio" stock certificates instead.

8. Decide how to respond to Sarkozy demanding information on what foreigners are naughty or nice.

7. File a flight plan with the FAA -- wouldn't want an F-16 wasting the sleigh.

6. Irradiate all those letters from children -- you can't be too careful!

5. Remove candy canes from pants pockets during mall photo sessions -- getting tired of explaining things to the D.A.'s office.

4. Write letter to self asking for threesome with Mrs. Claus and Heidi Klum.

3. Attend weekly meeting at Egg-Nog-aholics Anonymous.

2. Remember to ask New Democracy to return the favour, for giving them an antipolitefsi-free year

and the Number 1 Thing on Santa's To-Do List...


1. Write back to Magginas; ask him how on God's green earth he thinks Santa can give the whole Poleodomia of Anatoliki Attiki the measles!

Friday, December 21, 2007

Best X-mas Beer Ad

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Μια Ευχή για Ολον τον Κόσμο...